Gestational heebie-jeebies Part 3 - The Fight !

Firstly, masssssive THANK YOU to all those wonderful people, who took the time out, to text, call, reach out to me after reading my first two posts, letting me know that I am not alone in this fight, to offer me empathy, strength and oodles of positivity! You guys rock!!

A panic attack can last anywhere between 10-30 minutes, but leave fear and anxiety in their wake. Sleep eludes you, since the memory of the attack is fresh, and you anticipate panic every time your eyes close. This further invites frustration, irritability, headaches, the inability to concentrate and further anxiety. It is a vicious cycle. The solution is to relax your mental and physical self completely. Easier said than done, considering the emotional turmoil. 

Fear should not be underestimated. It can cause an overhaul of your entire personality. ‘Paralysing’  is an apt verb for it. It brought my life to a stand-still. It made me forget the person that I am; But with the right supports, one can learn to fight it or best, ignore it! 

Family and friends formed my sheltering roof. I cannot stress how important a role, loved ones play at this point. A husband, partner, parent, friend, will require to shoulder majority of the responsibility at this point in time, to console you, offer you love, care, concern and their complete attention, whenever you may require it. I contacted people I’d lost touch with over the years, even relative strangers who I thought could help , to ask them about their experience with pregnancy, if they had suffered from anxiety or depression at such a time, or for any tips they might have to offer; And I am so glad to be able to say, that they did not disappoint! The world may surprise you! One only has to make an effort to connect! 

Write a Journal. This was the first thing I started doing when anxiety hit me, even before the surgery. I wrote down every single nondescript, disjointed, crazy thought of mine that crossed my mind. Unfiltered and transparent. To clear the storm within. Like pouring your heart out to your best friend. Aim being, to empty my mind before sleep. This way, I would self-counsel, rationalise, reason, boost my confidence. I talked myself into gathering the resolve to face the arduous journey that lay ahead.

Remind yourself how fortunate you are. One afternoon, brimming with anxiety and wallowing in self-pity, realisation struck, that I was better off than most people! I hated living with constant fear and worry. Even though I knew it was hormonal, I refused to give in. I grabbed an A4 size sheet of paper and listed out ten things that I was grateful for. Use colours, get creative, make an art project out of it, if you want. I put it up on my wall and read it first thing every morning. It gave me the will, to carry on, for just another day. Don your rose specs and look at the bright side.The aim is not to gain sadistic pleasure, but to realise that things could’ve been worse. List out what made you happy, that day, every night; Idea being, to condition our mind to focus on the positives. Anything that made you remotely happy. For example, a beautiful sunrise or the feel of your baby kicking! In fact, this is relevant to each and every one of us, in our daily lives.

Music can calm an agitated mind. I preferred classical-instrumental and acoustic versions of popular numbers. 

Sing your heart out. A half hour karaoke session benefitted me immensely. Singing increases oxygen circulation. It’s good for the circulatory system, which is, in turn, good for the baby. It helps lower heart rate, decrease blood pressure, and may help boost the immune system. It also releases endorphins, a natural mood-booster and stress-reliever. 

 Channel your inner artist. Painting helped kickstart my healing process. Note, that I was never  the artist. The last time I coloured, painted or dabbled in art of any kind, was in school! But, the mere act of drawing a thick coat of colour over paper, was like a soothing mind massage. Therapeutic!    

One day, after a particularly bad attack, I grew exceedingly worried for my baby. All this adrenaline and stress hormone overload was definitely not going to do it any good. Add to that, the high risk of preterm labour! I HAD to do something to get it under control. I painted colourful posters with inspiring quotes and messages to remind me why I had to see this through. Every time I’d feel anxiety creeping in, I’d glance at those posters and talk myself to not react to the anxiety. It worked!! 

Spirituality & Meditation. I am very thankful to a friend of mine, who introduced me to the book, “The Power of Now”, by Eckhart Tolle. The perfect read to alter my thinking, help me take distress in my stride and tackle it in a healthy manner, through meditation and mindfulness. I would recommend this book to all. It makes for very easy reading, and the concepts are instantly applicable. 

Meditation is known to increase the life force in the body and initiate the healing process. Also said to be very beneficial in managing anxiety, emotional upheavals and mood swings, which are known to be common in pregnancy. I found it difficult to meditate while in the middle of the throes of anxiety, since it was a new concept for me. I used to practise it while relaxed, and then try to implement the same during an active episode. 

Exercise and Yoga are highly beneficial to those suffering from anxiety, if your doctor allows it. If not, resting in well ventilated surroundings and a mere 10 minutes of breathing in clean fresh air, can work magic!

Pick whatever works for you. What is important, is to make a schedule and stick to it! Allot a time span for each activity that you plan on doing, even something as menial as brushing your teeth. Focus on the task at hand, rather than letting your mind meander towards thoughts unproductive and negative. Such is the time, when one might realise the truth behind the adage, “An idle mind is a devil’s workshop”! 

If nothing seems to help, do consider Professional Counselling. Speak to your doctor and request to be referred to a Psychiatrist. After apt assessment, if they think it necessary, they may start you on appropriate medications. I kept the medication handy, for use during an emergency, but never had to use it. With that as back-up, my confidence increased, and so did my resolve to battle this out. NEVER HESITATE TO SEEK HELP. 

I feel uneasy, attempting to recollect my days of panic, to share with you. I wondered then, if it was permanent; But, that time is now past. I’m left with unpleasant memories, valuable lessons and awareness of how delicate the Mind is. Comforted by the knowledge, that I’ve overcome it., confidence engulfs me. The battle has been won, if not the war. They may attack again, when defences are low; But are no longer a stranger in the dark. Quoting a well-wisher, “Be glad when life sends hurdles your way;It offers you the chance to learn, emerge stronger and wiser…”

These are only a handful of methods that I employed, but I must end here, since my post is already way longer than what most people are comfortable reading! I assure you, you are not alone! Do get in touch with me, if you have gone through a similar experience and would like a friendly ear.