Life. Here. Now

This morning, as I sat in my car, and drove to work, I took in a deep breath, and was startled as I realised that it was my first conscious deep breath that I’d taken freely, without resistance in almost two weeks! I can almost see your foreheads crinkle in disbelief and mouths twist at my exaggeration. Well, that’s what it felt like. Like I hadn’t breathed in weeks; and this free, unrestricted inhalation and exhalation, brought upon me a sense of release, like steam being let out of a pressure cooker! Phew! What a relief! A huge weight instantaneously lifted off my shoulders, the heart felt lighter, and my mind,restful. This lightness was   further enhanced by the delightful pepperminty freshness of the sugar-free mints, that I’d popped in my mouth.   It had been a tough last couple of weeks. Plagued with worry, anxiety, tense hours, unrest, tiredness and illness. The emotions of intense dislike and hurt, and my grudges disappeared in a flash, along with the ache and

You sneaked in through the iron bars of my heart, caught me unawares Unobtrusively so. Unalarmingly so. Realisation dawned, but a moment too late, by when You sat, comfortably encushioned between my battling morals, pleased ego Warning guilt, traitorous desire, emotions running high and low. Why do I deceive myself so? I watched you closing in, watched you snare your hook Knowing fully well, it was against the rules of the book Neither friend nor foe, yet, I dipped in, a toe I met you halfway, then why do I deceive myself so? Flattered beyond words, ignorance I feigned As I spied naked desire, in your eyes, and on your face Fooling myself by closing my eyes, I slipped you the keys, hand-in-hand Nonchalant on the outside, doing an excited little jig on the inside Controls in-hand, my time, I did bide. Then, why do the tears flow, unchecked so? From the pain of disappointment, as you draw the blinds? I helped you drive the blade