'Weighty' issues - a reflection

For as long as I can remember, my gal pals and I, have always cribbed about being a few pounds overweight. Over the years, the few pounds have multiplied in magnitude. Even when I did not have a weight-issue, I remember grumbling about my being ‘fat’, or not having a small enough waist, all because it was expected, and the cool thing to do!

I remember in class 9, the corridor loo would be our hangout spot between lessons. It was anything but fancy! Just your regular cubicles, smelly most times, with washbasins in front, each with a mirror of its own. We would just crowd around the mirrors, giggling, primping our hair, reapplying lip-balms, moaning over emerging acne while secretly comparing waist lines, which unfortunately in most cases, was also an indication of one’s coolness, attractiveness, social-superiority or lack thereof. I cant help but laugh as i recall, how we used to loudly announce and invite our ‘cool’ friends to hang out with, in the loo, of all places <eyes rolling>! Anyhow, I digress…

So, as I said earlier, weight was a prominent subject in all my conversations with friends.“Hey, am I looking fat today?,” was a question that my friends and my mom, were subjected to for years, sometimes twice a day! I remember the girls in my hostel trying out every tip under the sun, to lose weight. Fancy diets, skipping meals, starving, endless amounts of cardio, weight loss supplements, even smoking. Some would eat to their hearts content and promptly induce themselves to puke it all out. Enjoy the forbidden food, and then throw out the calories. No surprises, weight was an issue that ‘weighed heavy’ our teenage hearts and minds.

Funny story. So, I had this friend, a guy, a good-looking one. One day, he tells me, “you know Manjula, if you were only a few kilos lighter, I would’ve probably asked you out.” I remember gaping at him, disbelieving, not knowing whether to be flattered, or offended. To hide my confusion, and pretend unaffectedness, I giggled nervously, a common escape route. To make matters worse, he told me that he was going to gift me this special massage oil, an expensive one, mind you, that would help burn away all my fat cells and help me gain a beautiful shape…yes, yes I know. WTF!!?! To make matters worse, he kept his word, and the following year, on my birthday, he actually gifted it to me. I remember laughing it off, pretending to enjoy the jolly joke; But as I unwrapped the bottle in my room, I couldn’t help the warm gush of shameful tears filling my eyes, as I shoved it to the very back of my cupboard, under a pile of unused, discarded clothes, in a vain attempt to forget. Out of sight, out of mind. It remained there for years, until I angrily threw it into the trash, the day I had to vacate the room. Ahh, now as i re-read this paragraph, i fail to see the humour. Not a funny story, sorry.

Most of us have been the recipient of enthusiastic greetings from aunties and uncles at picnics and family parties, “ Hi! You’ve put on so much weight!”, followed by a grumbly, unconvincing “how are you”, if we’re lucky, while they proceed to sadly reflect upon our not-so-good prospects of marriage to eligible boys of our community. I’ve often been referenced to by people, as ‘that fat lady doctor’, or by a kinder, silent gesture with the arms, meaning the same, when asked after by patients and other senior doctors. If there was more than one fat female doctor, I would then be, ‘the fat lady doctor, with the nose-ring’. Now that I’ve lost a lot of the flab, i’m wondering how they’ll refer to me. Probably, “lady doctor with short hair and a nose-ring”. God forbid, they refer to me by my accomplishments or by name, even!!

When I look back in moments of weakness, I would wish that I was thinner then, more glamorous, more decisive, more assertive, more confident, more a-lot-of-things. It would’ve made for a killer story had I gathered my self-respect and told my friend off that day. There would be a lot more hilarious anecdotes to relay, had we all gathered courage and responded to all the insensitive, hurtful aunties and uncles with quick, acerbic tongues. I could rant on about not judging a book by its cover or a number on the scale. But, who am I kidding? We are all not only victims, but have also been transgressors of body-shaming, me included, at some point in our lives! It’s incredulous that we are so judgmental, for a race so incredibly diverse!!

Unfortunately, amidst this grand carnival of body shaming, improving one’s self esteem, size zero, plus-size, bullying, acceptance, blah blah blah; fat, a necessary macronutrient, has been criminalised and achieved notoriety; while the concepts of being strong, fit and healthy have gotten trampled in the melee. On the plus side, there are signs of a positive change in the current trend, with increasing awareness, social media and a lot more people taking up a career in fitness and nutrition. Let us contribute, throw away pre-conceived notions of good looks and get health back in vogue. Let’s concentrate on getting fit, rather than thin. An attempt to understand food, clean, simple, nutritious eating, and attaining good physical and mental health, is the need of the hour. With all of us attempting at bettering ourselves, acceptance, happiness and love would naturally follow us, as we cohabit our improved, positive World. Just a thought.